- Care, Chosen Identity, FAMILY, Goals, Habits, Help, Identity, Inspiration, MIT, MOVEMENT, OTHER, REHABILITATION, SELF, Social conditioning, Traditions, Where is the
Where’s the Movement?
In this day and age an important question for decisions on life, lifestyle, and your legacy in this world is “Where’s the Movement?” Where are you Going? Who or What do you Serve? It is in the active support and participation with surrounding communities, environments, families, and friends that we see the greatest impacts in our world and in the lives of others. Ask yourself: Where’s the movement in your life? are you thriving? or just surviving?
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Moments in Life
There are moments in life where you get an impression or reflection of what might come. I have had an impression that some day I will live another life. One beyond the one I live now. One with new relationships that will be important, relevant, and special in their own way. … at the very least these will and can happen – in the end. That is what is important to remember.
- Chosen Identity, FAMILY, Identity, MIT, MOVEMENT, Muse, Queer, SELF, Traditions, Value, Where is the
Meaninglessness
On a somewhat abandoned factory exterior facing wall someone spray-painted the word, in its entirety, “MEANINGLESSNESS”. I sit, typing in my somewhat dilapidated apartment, a six year anniversary upon us, and a pretty bleak future of opportunities, goals, and dreams. I am not what my family tradition and identity had brought me up to be, but I was definitely molded by those experiences and that history to be basically the person I am today. Kind, sensitive, somewhat indecisive –and sexually, philosophically, intelligently, and productively CONSTIPATED. I identify as part of the queer community now, yes, but what does that mean to me? What does that mean to my family? and…
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Soreness
I am so sore from today. Not sure if it was the whiskey… not enough sleep -or good sleep… or not enough movement (walking, stretches, exercise) Accomplished a lot more than I intended, but still have some important items to do… (e.g. laundry of work clothes)
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Sleep, Rest, & Productivity
As I face the “weekend” I also tally the things I have accomplish the last few remaining productive hours and days I have had prior to “absolute abandon”… I find myself getting very productive in the 24-48 hours before a weekend, so that when it is the weekend, I will hopefully do nothing at all… …but then there are times where I am recklessly productive during the “weekend” as well, or I might try to do something recklessly “fun” for a few hours or half a day with my partner.. and then time is gone, and I am back to work… wondering why I never got the rest I wanted…
- Goals, Habits, Help, MIT, MOVEMENT, OTHER, REHABILITATION, SELF, Social conditioning, Triggers, Where is the
Concentration
Concentration is difficult in this day and age! There is a lot of ways to divide our time and countless ways of instructing, training, applying oneself to the task at hand – but actually following through on something – especially if you’re a chronic self-starter like me – you find yourself surrounded by projects that were started, or in the steps of getting to that point – but never finished. In addition to these steps in modernization and technologies – the accessibility to others through social media and just electronics (i.e. phones, e-mail, notification bumps, pings, computers) is OVERWHELMING for any human being – hearkening back to when Drew Barrymore…
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Celebrating Self
When I get a TDA, my hope is that I will spend time doing things that help me feel special or important in some way. A celebration of self. This will often involve me putting on a bathing suit for feelings of attraction or seduction (with or without my partner home or around) – or I will dress in loose or casual loungewear. If possible, I might even just stay naked for hours at a time. Not wearing something is often more comfortable and can require less mental effort. In the safety of home, it does not really matter. Today I gave my partner a brief lift to their car…
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Life in Shingata Corona
Living a “normal” life in shingata corona is a bit different. Being “gay pride” month and with ongoing protests for the rights of oppressed people and the ending of Police tyranny… there are plenty of negative triggers in the news. My relationship with my partner suffers in terms of melancholy mood, struggles with couple focus, lowered libido, and decreased stamina or interest in doing things (could stopping T be to blame at all? hard to tell…) We both suffer from a sort of fatigue from the added layer of requirements in our jobs and daily lives due to the global virus pandemic. Oregon is opening, like other states, by county…
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Rockets, Protests, & a Pandemic
“We want justice for all…” announcer for rocket commencement speech said in reference to shingata corona and why Musk would move forward with sending several astronauts into space during the current national emergencies… Busily marking on my Samsung 6, I muttered, “Like hell you do – what does justice have to do with a virus? Virus’ don’t care about justice or people, just survival… and sending rockets into space isn’t justice related at all.” Frustrated I tried to tune out the sounds of other operators around me sharing stories of spray painted buses and flash bombs from the activity the night before. “They’ve got, [hand motion makes rifle gesture] right?”…
